I know, I've used this video before but this is how I still feel. The more I watch the coverage on the World Meeting of Families, the more depressed I become. My dream: to grow old together, travel, enjoy our grandbabies, live on a compound with our best friends, and it's shattered - all shattered. I do not know how everything snowballed like that - I have an entire list of should haves - including been strong enough to put up a bigger fight to save our family. Mianhae, mianhamnida .....
Maybe I should just return home and spend my last days in that house - as I had originally intended. Passing of time and change of place are doing nothing to heal my wounds.
What an experience at Mass today! I was definitely being critical in my assessment of the service: music was okay (not as beautiful as at the other place), didn't recite the full confession (which I love), but the sermon was a Biblical history lesson - I was enthralled. Then the next song:
The tears just started flowing. I felt as though I was "home".
Jesus is here in the sanctuary - and St. Theresa of the Little Flower is over to the right. Then I went back to the back of the church and look what I saw:
Our Lady of Guadalupe
And St. Joseph
I lit a candle and prayed for all of my babies and grandbabies.
The Knights of Columbus were not in regalia but they served as the acolytes and as the extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion while the Monsignor and the Parochial Vicar distributed the "body of Christ".
Breakfast was served in the Parish Hall. Good cup of coffee. I went back to the church and discovered that there was a Holy Water dispenser. I walked back to the car, enjoying the little garden areas: one with Jesus and the sacred heart and the other with St. Francis, and returned with an empty water bottle and brought home some Holy Water for my little font by the door.
Oh, it was also Monsignor's 70th birthday: they sang to him at the end of Mass and brought him a cake (which was served at the breakfast).
I felt so at home and at peace. This is a place where I can heal.
Helena is a Garmin Nuvi55. Her voice is quite comforting as she directs me around my new area. Just like St. Helena, she is showing me the way. Jack, Honey and I are having new adventures here at the apartment while Binnie and Helena are teaching me how to explore. Three weeks ago today, I unloaded the Penske truck. I have my moments where I wonder if I should pack up and go back to Indiana but I don't think that going backwards would help me out.
Stepping out in faith.
This is my way of the cross.
Hyun Bin ssi - the "real" Binnie singing Dream in My Heart
