Journeys....

October 31, 2013: I drove through tornados to St. Meinrad Archabbey to become a Benedictine oblate novice and then returned to my Momma's home in Lexington. Halloween was postponed that year until November 1st. And, several days later, I discovered that my husband was granted a civil divorce from me on his favorite holiday. (But with all the tornados that day, I really felt that God was feeling my pain - even before I knew what was happening).

I spent the year helping my Momma (and my Mom) and attending the Cathedral in the old neighborhood that I had grown up in. Mending. Actually found a job teaching classes online via Kolbe Academy for the following year and then my garage burned down. That took me back to Crawfordsville.

So, August 2014, I began teaching on line and remained in Indiana - very quickly I became ill. I did not discover until after an extended trip during Christmas - and the birth of grandson #2 that my house was making me ill (specifically, my favorite carpet - that's an entirely different story regarding someone locking a feral cat in the house for a week (not deliberately)). I completed my online teaching around the same time as my return to Massachusetts for the birth of my third grandson. (June 2015).

And, then, the last blow: an arrival of someone into my world whom I didn't want to see.

With the help of my family, I packed up a Penske truck, moved to South Carolina and obtained a job three days after moving in. I have spent the last year here - unsettled - not really putting down roots. However, it has been a time where I have felt many times that I just couldn't make it another day and somehow I did. I had time with my big brother and sister-in-law that has truly been comforting and fun. (Yes, I would choose to hang with them as friends - not just because they are family - who knew???)

Everyone close to me should know that I love seeing symbolism (meaning) in many things surrounding me. I felt last night that the graduation ceremony was a fitting end to my career as a high school teacher - I loved the fact that the entire senior class and most of the auditorium sang the Alma Mater a cappella! (It was off key (yes, I always sing off key but I can hear it!) but it was beautiful).

Also, yesterday, before I left for graduation, I finally saw why I haven't seen the one female mallard on our pond lately - she was swimming with ducklings!

Side note: (Boston: the first thing that I wanted to see (as a tourist) was the swan boats and the Make Way for Ducklings statue in the Public Gardens. My children had sent me photos first but I finally got to go there with my children and first grandbaby. I have loved that book since I was a very little girl and my parents brought it back to us after they went to visit friends (which determined my father's future path as a doctor). ) This morning, she marched 13 little ducklings from the front of my building to the pond - Jack and I just stood and "made way for the ducklings". She looked so beautiful and proud as she marched along with her chest thrust forward and quietly quacked orders to her little brood.

My next journey will be the pathway back to the Boston area and to "my" ducklings:

I'm breaking....

17 days is 17 days too many. I cannot handle the behaviors in my classes - escalating out of control. Finally, finally, finally the administration is responding by assigning suspensions (either in or out of school). However, I feel entirely threatened when the student returns to my classroom - angry and demanding why I "gave" them a suspension. I didn't give them anything. I reported inappropriate behaviors and I have no idea at what step they are in the disciplinary process so I don't know what they are going to be assigned.

I do not feel safe. I cannot handle the defiance and rudeness. I cannot quiet the last class of the day. I honestly feel as though I will jump out of that window in that classroom. I assigned homework last night - I received three papers out of thirty.

Truly, truly, truly - I feel as though I am going insane.