Definitely not my holiday. I will admit that I enjoyed it in the past - particularly for my babies - but it soon faded away for me. Costumes and decorations became more frightening. Even answering the door to countless strangers - that became an extremely anxiety provoking scene. I still did it - even with just the dog and me - but I knew that I was "safe" with him there (even with him barking at every step, knock, and doorbell - he would protect me first).
Then, one day, I spent my Halloween by driving through storms to St. Meinrad's- it was quite the scary weather to be driving in but I made it safely there and back again. While there, I was invested as a Benedictine oblate novice. A journey towards new beginnings.
After returning home to my Momma's house that day, I discovered that I had traveled through tornadoes along my journey. They were so devastating that Halloween trick-or-treating was cancelled until the following evening in the majority of communities of both Kentucky and Indiana. Momma does not "do" Halloween so it was a quiet weekend as we listened to reports of devastation from surrounding areas.
Then, the following Monday , I discovered that my civil divorce had been processed on Halloween. How apropos. My husband's favorite holiday (due to the close proximity of his birthday). And now the weather made sense to me : God frequently "cries" with me. And for such an abomination of a divorce to be occurring in my life, storms were definitely called for - however, as has happened before, I was kept safe.
So, today is that anniversary. Now he has re-married in a civil ceremony (while remaining married to me in the eyes of the Church) and I have no desire to take part in any commemoration of this day. Once again, God lets me know that He cares, as I received a package from Japan (a CD of my favorite Korean band), that wasn't due to arrive until the middle of November.
Happy All Saints and All Souls Days!
“Let us tenderly and kindly cherish therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write.” ― John Adams
Monday, October 31, 2016
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
More on teaching
Every time I think that I am done, God shows me that He has different plans for me. I've retired from Faith Formation a couple of different times now. I am once again teaching at a parish - this time I am in charge of the 6th graders. Even when they are trying to be funny in class, they are SO cute! My first session with them occurred this past Sunday and I hope that they learned something in class. Oh my, the Bible stories that they did not know! This should be a very interesting year.
Why am I doing this once again? Well, my modus operandi in the past when I have moved to a new place has been to join a parish, find the library, and start volunteering wherever I feel needed/called.
Last year that just never quite fell into place - being in an apartment felt so unsettled. And, I was just overwhelmed with teaching new subjects while being in a totally new place. I never explored all that I had wanted to within the community.
Here, my daughter is in charge of Faith Formation for the middle schoolers and high schoolers at our new parish. (Yes, she is working in her home parish - I know that some people don't do that but it really makes sense to immerse yourself in the community in order to better serve your clientele). It seemed as though not enough people were coming forward to assist in helping out so I finally told her that if she needed me, then I would gladly take the 6th graders for her. Done. You know how you just get those little nudges as to what you should be doing? Well, when I finally recognize them, I realize that the Holy Spirit is pushing me into something that I need to accomplish.
I never wanted to be a teacher. Growing up, I first wanted to be a horse veterinarian, then a doctor, then a physical therapist, then a doctor once again. When I went off to college and started studying, I realized that I truly enjoyed learning new languages and studied linguistics and Russian (in addition to my second major area of study: psychology) so I started thinking about becoming a translator and joining the Navy. (Why I didn't do that is the topic of an entirely different post).
When I look back at all of my activities and studies over the years, I realize that I was always being prepared to be a teacher. For example, during my high school years, I taught vacation bible school every summer with my best friend. Then, during my senior year, my aunt was the director of Christian education for our parish and they couldn't get a 3rd/4th grade teacher for Sunday school - guess what I did? (all by my lonesome!). Prior to that, my mother had been a kindergarten teacher in a private church school so when I had days off from school, I would assist her with her kindergarteners. In college, I had to take counseling psychology through the education department because our department was filled with behaviorists. I also decided to take a new course entitled Understanding Learning Disabilities - again through the education department - and actually had to design lesson plans when I wasn't an education major. (Got an A+ on my final exam by the way!).
When my oldest started preparation for first communion, our parish at that time held faith formation (CCD) classes on Monday evenings. She was not happy having to spend her "homework" night going to class and complained about going by herself. I told her that was true that it was unfair so Mommy would come with her. Hence, I started assisting with the 2nd graders. I didn't stop teaching various grades in CCD until I had done that for 20 years.
Oh my, how my oldest dragged me into so many things! When she hit 4th grade, she brought home a note from her teacher asking for parent volunteers so that her class could take advantage of the computer lab at school (which was too small to hold the entire class at once). Well, I certainly couldn't have my child missing out on computers! The youngest was in kindergarten that year and was having a difficult time parting from me so I then suggested that I could also spend some time assisting her teacher. She requested that I help at the computer center on their "Centers" day! Not to ignore my middle child, I then made a similar offer to her teacher and was asked to also assist with computer work. Now I was fully ensconced in a weekly teaching schedule.
Turns out that in order to be a substitute teacher in the state of Illinois, you are required to have a Bachelor's degree. Once my daughters' teachers discovered that I had my B.S. degree, they asked if I would become a sub for them since I knew their classroom routines. Thus began my years as a substitute teacher in the classroom which continued from my youngest child's kindergarten year to my oldest child's senior year. At that time, I returned to school and earned my teaching license in April of the same year she graduated from high school. Teaching as a profession began!
Last year, I finally reached a point where I no longer felt safe within the classroom nor felt excited about imparting knowledge to my students. Yes, there were rays of sunshine but, for once, the bad outweighed the good. That's when I decided that I was done. No more teaching.
Yet, here I am. :)
Why am I doing this once again? Well, my modus operandi in the past when I have moved to a new place has been to join a parish, find the library, and start volunteering wherever I feel needed/called.
Last year that just never quite fell into place - being in an apartment felt so unsettled. And, I was just overwhelmed with teaching new subjects while being in a totally new place. I never explored all that I had wanted to within the community.
Here, my daughter is in charge of Faith Formation for the middle schoolers and high schoolers at our new parish. (Yes, she is working in her home parish - I know that some people don't do that but it really makes sense to immerse yourself in the community in order to better serve your clientele). It seemed as though not enough people were coming forward to assist in helping out so I finally told her that if she needed me, then I would gladly take the 6th graders for her. Done. You know how you just get those little nudges as to what you should be doing? Well, when I finally recognize them, I realize that the Holy Spirit is pushing me into something that I need to accomplish.
I never wanted to be a teacher. Growing up, I first wanted to be a horse veterinarian, then a doctor, then a physical therapist, then a doctor once again. When I went off to college and started studying, I realized that I truly enjoyed learning new languages and studied linguistics and Russian (in addition to my second major area of study: psychology) so I started thinking about becoming a translator and joining the Navy. (Why I didn't do that is the topic of an entirely different post).
When I look back at all of my activities and studies over the years, I realize that I was always being prepared to be a teacher. For example, during my high school years, I taught vacation bible school every summer with my best friend. Then, during my senior year, my aunt was the director of Christian education for our parish and they couldn't get a 3rd/4th grade teacher for Sunday school - guess what I did? (all by my lonesome!). Prior to that, my mother had been a kindergarten teacher in a private church school so when I had days off from school, I would assist her with her kindergarteners. In college, I had to take counseling psychology through the education department because our department was filled with behaviorists. I also decided to take a new course entitled Understanding Learning Disabilities - again through the education department - and actually had to design lesson plans when I wasn't an education major. (Got an A+ on my final exam by the way!).
When my oldest started preparation for first communion, our parish at that time held faith formation (CCD) classes on Monday evenings. She was not happy having to spend her "homework" night going to class and complained about going by herself. I told her that was true that it was unfair so Mommy would come with her. Hence, I started assisting with the 2nd graders. I didn't stop teaching various grades in CCD until I had done that for 20 years.
Oh my, how my oldest dragged me into so many things! When she hit 4th grade, she brought home a note from her teacher asking for parent volunteers so that her class could take advantage of the computer lab at school (which was too small to hold the entire class at once). Well, I certainly couldn't have my child missing out on computers! The youngest was in kindergarten that year and was having a difficult time parting from me so I then suggested that I could also spend some time assisting her teacher. She requested that I help at the computer center on their "Centers" day! Not to ignore my middle child, I then made a similar offer to her teacher and was asked to also assist with computer work. Now I was fully ensconced in a weekly teaching schedule.
Turns out that in order to be a substitute teacher in the state of Illinois, you are required to have a Bachelor's degree. Once my daughters' teachers discovered that I had my B.S. degree, they asked if I would become a sub for them since I knew their classroom routines. Thus began my years as a substitute teacher in the classroom which continued from my youngest child's kindergarten year to my oldest child's senior year. At that time, I returned to school and earned my teaching license in April of the same year she graduated from high school. Teaching as a profession began!
Last year, I finally reached a point where I no longer felt safe within the classroom nor felt excited about imparting knowledge to my students. Yes, there were rays of sunshine but, for once, the bad outweighed the good. That's when I decided that I was done. No more teaching.
Yet, here I am. :)
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Retail Therapy
You know, it actually works.
So, my husband married that girl in a civil ceremony. He is still married to me in the eyes of the Church and in my heart. It hurts - hurts like hell - but let him know that? No way. That's why you don't see me posting about that on Facebook - only a small number of people know - and, even then, most of them don't live in that state.
I took off my rings - they made me way too sad. Especially since he left his wedding band with me when he walked out. (Only right since my cousin crafted it for him after he lost his original band in a hotel when our oldest was a baby).
Always wanted a bling ring - and a mother's ring - so I have kind of combined that in a diamond band that has three larger stones that symbolize my three girls. I'm wearing it on my hand instead of my original diamond. That way, people I meet can guess that I'm still married and I won't have to explain anything. And the ring makes me happy instead of sad.
What else makes me happy besides my family? Learning, studying, teaching.....more on that another day.
So, my husband married that girl in a civil ceremony. He is still married to me in the eyes of the Church and in my heart. It hurts - hurts like hell - but let him know that? No way. That's why you don't see me posting about that on Facebook - only a small number of people know - and, even then, most of them don't live in that state.
I took off my rings - they made me way too sad. Especially since he left his wedding band with me when he walked out. (Only right since my cousin crafted it for him after he lost his original band in a hotel when our oldest was a baby).
Always wanted a bling ring - and a mother's ring - so I have kind of combined that in a diamond band that has three larger stones that symbolize my three girls. I'm wearing it on my hand instead of my original diamond. That way, people I meet can guess that I'm still married and I won't have to explain anything. And the ring makes me happy instead of sad.
What else makes me happy besides my family? Learning, studying, teaching.....more on that another day.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Settling in
Wow, so much has happened since my last post. I am now in Massachusetts - yes, I had to leave Jack behind. I try not to think about that and to concentrate on the joys of being with my children and grandchildren.
After all, as my one child reminded me as I prepared for this move, I have always taught them that people are what's most important. Things, I got rid of many "treasured" items. I gave up the house that I had dreamed of growing old and dying in, of a place that all my children and grandchildren could come home to - just like Grammie's house in Cincinnati. I wanted my babies to finally feel as though they had roots. I'm so very sorry that I couldn't remain strong enough to provide that for myself and my children. Mianhaeyo.
Forgive me if I didn't always practice what I preached. Hopefully, I can be a good role model for the rest of my life. In one sense, I have sacrificed nothing to make this move - for I came to be with my children and grandchildren - but I left family behind in order to do that. Naega sagwa. I apologize.
I pray that I am not a burden. I have always admired cultures that promote multi-generational households (my parents even grew up in them). I apparently don't do well with an empty nest - nor in having any of my children too far away. How will I balance it all? I feel sorry towards my mother. How must she feel?
After all, as my one child reminded me as I prepared for this move, I have always taught them that people are what's most important. Things, I got rid of many "treasured" items. I gave up the house that I had dreamed of growing old and dying in, of a place that all my children and grandchildren could come home to - just like Grammie's house in Cincinnati. I wanted my babies to finally feel as though they had roots. I'm so very sorry that I couldn't remain strong enough to provide that for myself and my children. Mianhaeyo.
Forgive me if I didn't always practice what I preached. Hopefully, I can be a good role model for the rest of my life. In one sense, I have sacrificed nothing to make this move - for I came to be with my children and grandchildren - but I left family behind in order to do that. Naega sagwa. I apologize.
I pray that I am not a burden. I have always admired cultures that promote multi-generational households (my parents even grew up in them). I apparently don't do well with an empty nest - nor in having any of my children too far away. How will I balance it all? I feel sorry towards my mother. How must she feel?
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