Something I posted in one of my private groups

 I am grateful that I am actually living here with my daughter for the time being - they are trying their best to keep me protected and safe (high risk with my asthma and heart) - so I'm glad that I don't have to venture out. However, I've found this to be a comforting Lenten and Easter season. I have so much more access to mass, compline, and adoration due to the livestreaming of our local parish, the local Dominican sisters, my former parishes, and the Abbeys and Shrines that I feel connected with around the world. All of this livestreaming wasn't available before...I can even tune in and pray a nightly rosary with a dear friend in another state. Why weren't we doing this before? Anyway, I think of the people around the world who have no access to the sacraments - or who are actually persecuted for their faith - and I can do this. This living arrangement is for only a year at most - I'd prefer to figure out where I'll be moving next sometime during the summer. Keeping you all in my prayers because it can still be lonely. I try not to think about the "what ifs and what should have beens" - instead, I am trying to use this time to get "me" in order: studies - both in my faith and my personal interests (even honing my teaching skills because I'm preparing my high school biology lessons for my elementary level grandchildren via Skype) and in putting things in "order" around me. A kind of a "spring cleaning" of my soul.

The world is going crazy

I am grateful at the moment that I have two Facebook walls right now. One lists over 400 friends while the other lists 26. I am hiding out on my little wall where I only post about all things Korean: K-dramas, K-pop, Korean food and culture - also current news since South Korea is handling this pandemic better than most of the world.

The feed on my other wall is sending me over the edge. I can't understand why, now, a lot of my strong Catholic pro-life friends are more concerned with a stay-at-home order destroying their civil liberties and are willing to take their chances with the virus. Fine, and dandy. It's about not overwhelming our hospitals and giving a chance to slow down the spread of the virus. I'm high risk. Probably even more high risk than my 92 year old mother since she doesn't have asthma or heart issues. I've also been known to get the absolute worst version of anything: scarlet fever twice (the trigger for my heart problem), 21 days straight of high fever with mono; and I ended up with pneumonia after attending KCON NY. I even had a severe respiratory allergy reaction hit after cheering on people during the Boston marathon one year.  I digress. The life they save by staying home could very easily be me - or my granddaughter - or one of my daughters. But, no, they want to protest the strict policies of our governor (which the ENTIRE world seems to be following right now - isn't that a clue???)  In addition, our state ranks 3rd highest in the nation for DEATHS from the virus!

Here's where I just don't get it. Even my strongly Democratic friends are posting:" I don't want to hear how Pro-Life you are ever again if you aren't staying home and taking safety precautions. " That's exactly how I feel! And, these posts decrying the loss of civil liberties are coming from very strong devout Catholics. My world has turned upside down.  How can they truly be pro-life???

Guys, I'm a scientist. You might just think that I'm a teacher with a degree in education - no, I came to that later in life.  I'm a biologist. A doctor's kid. A mom. You might say that I've been practicing "medicine" for a very long time.  My field of study is Vertebrate Anatomy and Physiology combined with Cell Ultrastructure and Dynamics.  You - a social studies major - or lawyer - or English major - etc. - are going to tell me that you don't "believe" in the guidelines from the CDC????? Wow - just wow. 

This isn't going to be a coherent rant. This is the only place I can voice my opinion. For some reason, people think that it is okay to attack me for my opinions on my own wall. I can't deal with conflict. But that doesn't mean I'm not constantly running conversations in my head that I'll never have out loud.  I've been diagnosed with PTSD, clinical depression (suicide risk), anxiety/panic disorder, etc. in the past. It doesn't help that I easily get tachycardia and numbness in my left arm which can trigger the anxiety.  I know that I shouldn't engage because it will actually affect my health.  My migraines and asthma definitely are exacerbated by stress.

So, here's where I stand. I can never vote Democrat because of abortion policies, and other issues that I won't go into here. Just know that I am a strong believer in my Catholic faith so I try my best to adhere to everything within the catechism. I have been a life long Republican who voted for a third party candidate this past time around because I was not happy with either of the main party candidates. I don't want our current president to have a second term but I certainly can't support the Democratic candidate either.  My party is failing me. But the other one will never embrace me.  I'm frustrated because people aren't looking at what is truth and morality or even  listening to science. Instead, they are dividing along political lines and blindly ignoring the needs of humanity because they want to win their pissing matches.

Just please - stay home - don't put anyone at risk of death because you think that you're immune. So you want to be selfish in your own actions - sadly, you can carry the virus to someone else even if you are unaffected.  I am saddened by all of the vile, hateful remarks I am seeing posted on people's walls. It doesn't matter who they are directed towards - it's not what Jesus would teach. Pray for your enemies - forgive them - don't curse them out (it totally lowers who you are and gives the devil a strong foothold). Long before I was married and had children - many of my actions (or lack thereof) were determined by my inner self questioning: "what would I tell my children?" "how would I explain myself?" Some people really need to stop and think: would I want my child to know and use these words? to viciously attack someone verbally ?  You can dislike actions, think someone is behaving like an ass, etc. but you don't have to spew forth any crude remarks.

The 11th commandment, posted on my classroom wall for many years: Thou shalt not offend thy teacher.  Think about it.