First Steps of the Journey

This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life: I have to get the house that I love ready to put on the market and sell it. Then I am going to move far, far away.

I don't have a new job taking me anywhere. I simply can't live here anymore. It isn't healthy for me - nor is it my "safe" place to be. Since I've been back, I've experienced one full-blown migraine and two full-blown panic attacks. Memories assail me from every angle. I am simply on sensory overload. How am I coping with this? I am cranking up my Korean music playlist and singing along - off-key and in the worst accent ever! Comical? - I am sure that I would embarrass my children to no end! But that helps me to breathe - and to move forward. When that doesn't work, I break down and cry - and pray. I WILL get through this - I MUST move forward. 

Tasks? Ah, you should see me! I am going to re-place the kitchen faucet, take down the bathroom wallpaper and paint, build some porch steps, plant flowers, re-arrange the attic, pack boxes, and clean! I have confidence that I can do what needs to be done - it's just a matter of determination.

Now, if I could just move a little faster, Lord?

Re-shaping myself and my world

It's been a long journey and I'm still traveling. So, this blog will be the record of my travels as I begin this next phase of my life. I've always found that I become stronger when I learn. That's something that I can measure and that I am typically good at doing. I don't want to focus on the past - however, it will probably creep into some of my posts as I explain myself - but I want to look ahead and, hopefully, become a better me.

I am on a path that I never wanted to be on - but I can't change it - so I can only "soldier on"and make the best of my situation. Many of us find ourselves on paths that we don't want to be on in life so I am not unique in that sense. I have to trust that God will help me through it. I don't believe that this is where He wanted me to be - but there is that awful thing known as "free will"- so, I just have to trust that He will help me make the best of my situation if I listen, and learn.

So what is on my lesson plan?

1) Deepen my faith - I've become a Benedictine oblate novice

2) A new language - Korean (plus I'm brushing up on my Spanish and Russian)

3) Biology - always learning more in my field

4) Literature - continually reading, reading, reading.


Follow along with me as I record where this pilgrimage leads me. I'm sure that I will have good days and bad days, setbacks and achievements, but I will always have many blessings to hold onto when all else seems bleak.