I need a husband

Oh Lord...I will never make it to sainthood. I just spent at least 45 minutes changing two light bulbs outdoors and cursing my paresthesia in the process.

I am now resting in my chair with a cup of coffee to warm myself and enduring the pain as the feeling returns to both my feet and my fingers. Ow, ow, ow! He should have left me twenty years ago when I was young enough to do all these things by myself and not have it hurt! Or at least have left me in a neighborhood where I had all those neighbors who would gladly have come in and changed the filters in the sinks (something I have yet to do) and who would have helped me climb up to clean out my gutters. (Greenwood and Freeport, I miss you!).

I can't even start my own mower anymore because I lack the strength to pull the cord hard enough. I am unable to hire people to do these things for me. These are simple little tasks that would take a "normal" person 5 - 10 minutes to accomplish. For me, it can be a lesson in endurance, ending up with a failure for the day. Some days I have more strength than others - this type of arthritis is hereditary - it doesn't hurt that much, it just happens to be more frustrating in that I have no grip strength - hence I can't get those darn little screens off my faucets when they clog up. Or scrub these plastic tubs as clean as I would like.

It is frustrating to have the "know-how" but not the physical capability. I've been left with little tasks here and there - closet doors off of hinges - because the bottom was going to be shaved so it would open and close more smoothly across the carpeting. (The door is so heavy that it took the two of us to take it off of the hinges in the first place.) Or, replace the door to the outside up in my daughter's room. Honestly, I begged for that to be replaced for years and it really needs it. I've taped up the seams as best I can for the moment. Oh, yes, I still have to replace the wallboard where the new sink was put in before I paint that room....The "honey-do" list that is totally mine.

One smart thing I did: purchase that ladder to reach the 10 foot ceilings! However, I didn't do it until after I injured my rotator cuff trying to change the light bulb in the laundry room with just a stepladder. (It's no fun being short).

I just discovered a portrait that the girls and I had taken one year for Father's Day this afternoon - tucked in behind one of the desks in the study. I pulled it out and dusted it off. How appropriate - the girls and me.

I know - get used to it. This is the way it's going to be. Oh Lord - just give me the strength. I would like to use that bathroom sink again.