So, I followed up with the St. Vincent de Paul Society. They now have my name and contact info and I have received my first group email. Check.
Reminder: don't take probiotic capsules. Oh my gosh, I took one yesterday and today I was miserably ill and constantly running to the bathroom. Finally feeling human again.
Missing my North Carolina grandbabies while I had a delightful time on Grammie duty back here in MA filled with teddy bear parties, trains, and ND football! Wishing that the kiddos could spend more time together - they have so many of the same interests.
Little Man #2 and music. Wow! I'm totally enjoying the fact that he loves and is interested in the music that Grammie listens to - he likes CNBLUE, 2PM, GOT7, Highlight, KNK, and SF9. And he enjoys teaching Grammie about the music that he likes: Pentatonix, Raffi, Moana, and selected songs from Hamilton. He totally "rocks out" when he hears a good beat.
That's not to say that my other grandbabies aren't musical - because they are! They just aren't as interested in my Kpop but they do support Grammie in going to see her groups in concert <3
Working more diligently on learning to read, write, and speak Korean. While I was out of town, the Boston meet-up group has actually expanded into lesson times. I will definitely have to check on times and places to see how feasible it would be to attend. In the meantime, I have purchased a concert ticket to see SF9 at the Wilbur Theater in Boston on the evening of November 19th. This is the first time that I have even heard of a Kpop group coming to Boston - grateful that it is one that I know and like (saw them perform at KCON NY 2017!).
Waiting to hear whether or not I have been selected to go to Korea for a variety show called Seoulmate. They bring in foreigners to stay with celebrities for a couple of days in their homes. Honestly, I would be super thrilled to be able to do such a thing!
I have my favorites (my biases) but there is no one that I would refer to as an Oppa (big brother/ boyfriend) like so many fans do. I may "fall in love" with a character in a show but all the idols/actors are so much younger than I am that it is like cheering on my children or my former students. I delight in their accomplishments and support their endeavors in both their public and private lives. They could call me Imo/Auntie and I would be happy. Unnie/Noona are reserved for someone who is more like an older sister - that might be more appropriate with some of the older stars that I like but since they don't know me what does it matter?
So, I need to plan a get-together for my mother as she celebrates 90 next year. I am grateful that she is still extremely healthy - the conundrum is that her birthday falls in winter and during the school year so it is not a great time to plan a family get-together on a grand scale since no one else lives in town. But my Mom is very big on celebrating on the day of.....Thinking of having two celebrations - one with us (her kids) and another with all of our kids, aunts, cousins, etc....
Due to that and other schedule conflicts it seems as though Ireland will have to be delayed once again. Life happens. Maybe, just maybe, I will make it to South Korea for the show at least.....Mackinac Island's Grand Hotel might be a place to still have a get together with my girls? (Somewhere in Time is still one of my favorite movies - although I might cry the entire time).
My husband got to travel so many places over the years while I have never been off of this continent. To Mexico when I was a kid (family vacation extension from Texas) and I think that I might have been in Canada 3 times throughout my life? The one cruise that I got to go on was from New York City to Halifax, NS - and a freezing but fun time was had by all. I have never been to the West Coast and I just made it to Maine (the home state of my grandfather) for the first time ever last weekend. With family spread out, it makes more sense to spend any free time visiting with them (or possibly with my friends whom I greatly miss).
And I should wrap up those thoughts tonight. Take care and God bless!
Sunday, November 5, 2017
Sunday, September 10, 2017
For the first time in forever....
For the first time in forever, I've gone at least a week without having a nightmare. My dreams have been filled with family and my favorite actors and singers. Quite the hodgepodge, but I'll take it!
I even had a dream within a dream this past week where I happened to be analyzing the dream that had occurred in my dream. How strange! But I remember thinking that my analysis was really "spot on".
Truly, this is one of the benefits of living here with my kids and three of my grandbabies. I have always been a personality that needs a home filled with kiddos. I hope this means that the grandchildren are keeping me young but I know that all of the warm snuggles, hugs, and kisses are keeping me "alive" and healthier than I have been in a long, long time. The migraines still crop up from time to time but they are manageable - not debilitating. And, I've only had one panic attack since I have been here.
I'm not taking the heart meds - the tachycardia seemed to cease after managing my asthma. It took three states and a bunch of doctors over the years to finally (FINALLY) diagnose the asthma. It was much easier to diagnose my migraines (I've had those since I was 10).
I do still take my aspirin. I am mindful of the fact that my grandfather just dropped dead on vacation when he was in his 50s. I also still have times where the depression hits suddenly but I don't feel as though I need the "anti-crying" meds anymore. (I am beyond the point of being suicidal, don't worry).
Learning to spend time each day on my prayer and my studies. Enjoying working on making rosaries once again - I just have to live with my fingers hurting all the time now. As long as they can still function properly, I really have no complaints.
Getting back to my reading daily also. Just completed Our Lady of Kibeho which has inspired me to make a Seven Sorrows chaplet rosary. (the medals are on order). I should return to Cardinal Sarah's The Power of Silence for the online book club - but, again, I'm finding it tedious.
I hesitate to become involved in some things at the moment because I know that I will be leaving soon for an extended stay with my other grandbabies - assisting their mommy and daddy during the birth of their baby sister. However, once I return, I will assess some of the things around me - for example, our parish works with St. Vincent de Paul (something I've always felt drawn to but was never around). I should get back into the habit of spending at least an hour a week with Jesus in adoration.
I have a wonderful, online support from some "powerful" Catholic friends - that does help give me strength. And, they are great prayer partners!
I'm filling up my empty address book (that I have kept for years!) so that I can begin true correspondence once again. There was a time when I made sure to write everyone in my address book at least once a month. So many of the older family members are now gone but I treasured their responses to my mail. I see society moving away from the "social graces" and I want to at least model some of the "polite, thoughtful" things to do for my grandchildren. I remember one of my grandmothers teaching me how to make strawberry tarts, another grandmother teaching me the love of family history, my grandfather's cousin who continued my love of genealogy, and a step-grandmother who loved her Bible. Oh, and then there was my great-aunt who always played music with me!
I saw a book on a shelf as I visited last weekend - something about the lost art of conversation. That is so very true! Thankfully, we don't eat meals with phones at the table - nor do we answer calls during dinner time. However, society is demanding that we be plugged in at all times.
I am starting a little prayer journal of all the prayer requests that come in daily - and I've added many prayer cards to my collection. I want to continue learning about the saints. Consider that another of my subjects to study.
I hope that I continue to take after my one grandmother who was sharp as a tack until the very end (and who lived through an entire century). I don't dance out in the backyard at midnight anymore (I don't have my Jack with me) but I should continue to dance - I tried the K-pop workshop at KCON and I discovered that I just don't have the stamina - but, as I have done my entire life, when I find myself alone in the house I continue to crank up the music and "rock out" as I go about my tasks.
And, travel - I now see the importance of travel. (I wanted to spend my retirement time traveling with my husband - we should have done it sooner). Two definite destinations in my mind and my heart: Ireland and South Korea. Once upon a time, Leningrad/St. Petersburg would have been included in that list but I've lost that desire. Maybe, after Putin.....
Biology. That study never ceases. That's the legacy of my father that I would like to remember him for - not for the pain that he caused his families through his actions - but the man who took me to the ag barns, taught me the breeds of cattle, showed me the chicks and ducklings hatching, allowed me to observe surgeries (even one on a black labrador - of course, he had to show me that it had recovered!), the birth of a baby (Christopher Michael Cox, wherever he is!), and imparted his love of medicine and how things worked in the human body to me.
My mother took care of my spiritual life. Through all my trials and tribulations, I have never once lost my faith in God. That has to be because of her. And my stepmother was the parent who made me feel safe - I can't deny that. (Of course, if my father had remained faithful, then I would never have been "un-protected").
And, something my mother taught me a long, long time ago: friends can definitely be extended family. They are, at times, the family that we choose with our hearts. I need to remember to make time to visit with some of my very best friends throughout the years.
So, for the first time in forever, I am not debilitated by my sorrows.
I even had a dream within a dream this past week where I happened to be analyzing the dream that had occurred in my dream. How strange! But I remember thinking that my analysis was really "spot on".
Truly, this is one of the benefits of living here with my kids and three of my grandbabies. I have always been a personality that needs a home filled with kiddos. I hope this means that the grandchildren are keeping me young but I know that all of the warm snuggles, hugs, and kisses are keeping me "alive" and healthier than I have been in a long, long time. The migraines still crop up from time to time but they are manageable - not debilitating. And, I've only had one panic attack since I have been here.
I'm not taking the heart meds - the tachycardia seemed to cease after managing my asthma. It took three states and a bunch of doctors over the years to finally (FINALLY) diagnose the asthma. It was much easier to diagnose my migraines (I've had those since I was 10).
I do still take my aspirin. I am mindful of the fact that my grandfather just dropped dead on vacation when he was in his 50s. I also still have times where the depression hits suddenly but I don't feel as though I need the "anti-crying" meds anymore. (I am beyond the point of being suicidal, don't worry).
Learning to spend time each day on my prayer and my studies. Enjoying working on making rosaries once again - I just have to live with my fingers hurting all the time now. As long as they can still function properly, I really have no complaints.
Getting back to my reading daily also. Just completed Our Lady of Kibeho which has inspired me to make a Seven Sorrows chaplet rosary. (the medals are on order). I should return to Cardinal Sarah's The Power of Silence for the online book club - but, again, I'm finding it tedious.
I hesitate to become involved in some things at the moment because I know that I will be leaving soon for an extended stay with my other grandbabies - assisting their mommy and daddy during the birth of their baby sister. However, once I return, I will assess some of the things around me - for example, our parish works with St. Vincent de Paul (something I've always felt drawn to but was never around). I should get back into the habit of spending at least an hour a week with Jesus in adoration.
I have a wonderful, online support from some "powerful" Catholic friends - that does help give me strength. And, they are great prayer partners!
I'm filling up my empty address book (that I have kept for years!) so that I can begin true correspondence once again. There was a time when I made sure to write everyone in my address book at least once a month. So many of the older family members are now gone but I treasured their responses to my mail. I see society moving away from the "social graces" and I want to at least model some of the "polite, thoughtful" things to do for my grandchildren. I remember one of my grandmothers teaching me how to make strawberry tarts, another grandmother teaching me the love of family history, my grandfather's cousin who continued my love of genealogy, and a step-grandmother who loved her Bible. Oh, and then there was my great-aunt who always played music with me!
I saw a book on a shelf as I visited last weekend - something about the lost art of conversation. That is so very true! Thankfully, we don't eat meals with phones at the table - nor do we answer calls during dinner time. However, society is demanding that we be plugged in at all times.
I am starting a little prayer journal of all the prayer requests that come in daily - and I've added many prayer cards to my collection. I want to continue learning about the saints. Consider that another of my subjects to study.
I hope that I continue to take after my one grandmother who was sharp as a tack until the very end (and who lived through an entire century). I don't dance out in the backyard at midnight anymore (I don't have my Jack with me) but I should continue to dance - I tried the K-pop workshop at KCON and I discovered that I just don't have the stamina - but, as I have done my entire life, when I find myself alone in the house I continue to crank up the music and "rock out" as I go about my tasks.
And, travel - I now see the importance of travel. (I wanted to spend my retirement time traveling with my husband - we should have done it sooner). Two definite destinations in my mind and my heart: Ireland and South Korea. Once upon a time, Leningrad/St. Petersburg would have been included in that list but I've lost that desire. Maybe, after Putin.....
Biology. That study never ceases. That's the legacy of my father that I would like to remember him for - not for the pain that he caused his families through his actions - but the man who took me to the ag barns, taught me the breeds of cattle, showed me the chicks and ducklings hatching, allowed me to observe surgeries (even one on a black labrador - of course, he had to show me that it had recovered!), the birth of a baby (Christopher Michael Cox, wherever he is!), and imparted his love of medicine and how things worked in the human body to me.
My mother took care of my spiritual life. Through all my trials and tribulations, I have never once lost my faith in God. That has to be because of her. And my stepmother was the parent who made me feel safe - I can't deny that. (Of course, if my father had remained faithful, then I would never have been "un-protected").
And, something my mother taught me a long, long time ago: friends can definitely be extended family. They are, at times, the family that we choose with our hearts. I need to remember to make time to visit with some of my very best friends throughout the years.
So, for the first time in forever, I am not debilitated by my sorrows.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Just So You Know....
I'm not one of those people that people tend to remember - or admire. People don't know me at reunions even. I'm one of those fans/cheerleaders on the sidelines. Always supporting - but in the background.
I won't ask to take a picture with any of my faves - I don't want to be that intrusive. I know that about me because I've seen some in the past - at church, at restaurants, just out and about. I won't speak up - or introduce myself. I will however cheer you on. I'll wear your colors and display your photos. I'll talk about that game that you played, the song you sang, the latest drama that you starred in. I'll even keep you in my prayers.
Honestly, that's what I do for most of you. I scroll through my feed sometime during the day - checking to see who specifically is asking for prayers, liking your photos/events, listening to the music that you post (comparing our tastes), sometimes I'll support your teams (if there is no conflict with mine), but I'm here - forever playing in the background (like an unknown or forgotten app).
I'm not the person whose parties are attended, or the fun one that you invite to yours. However, I'm the person who will bake, cook, help decorate, run errands - whatever you need, I will be there. Just don't ask me to greet all of those people.
I'm not the teacher that every student remembers with awe and respect. I just tried to impart the basics and share the joy of studying my sciences or my literature with you. I'm the after thought - oh, yeah, she was okay - or I couldn't stand being in her class. She loved dissection, experiments, Dickens, and made us take notes. Lots of notes.
Got a job that no one else wants to do? Ask Kat - she'll do it! (Stupid is stamped across my forehead). I did all that one school corporation asked of me - even helped start up an alternative middle school and went back to get my teaching license - and when it came time to offer that job to me? I didn't get it. I'm not the PC choice, you see.
I did all that one parish asked of me - and then, when I asked to be replaced? The name that the priest came up with was mine. However, did anyone really know me there? No, I was in the background while everyone else stood front and center.
I wanted to be a doctor - a translator - someone who made a difference in this world. The best that I ever did was to raise three beautiful, strong, young women. (and then, even my husband left).
And that's who I am. I live vicariously through others - and I really do feel joy in all of your accomplishments. I'm not just saying that. So, I'll continue to be that fan (or cheerleader) - I won't get in your way - and I'll expect you to do great things. I'm praying for you.
I won't ask to take a picture with any of my faves - I don't want to be that intrusive. I know that about me because I've seen some in the past - at church, at restaurants, just out and about. I won't speak up - or introduce myself. I will however cheer you on. I'll wear your colors and display your photos. I'll talk about that game that you played, the song you sang, the latest drama that you starred in. I'll even keep you in my prayers.
Honestly, that's what I do for most of you. I scroll through my feed sometime during the day - checking to see who specifically is asking for prayers, liking your photos/events, listening to the music that you post (comparing our tastes), sometimes I'll support your teams (if there is no conflict with mine), but I'm here - forever playing in the background (like an unknown or forgotten app).
I'm not the person whose parties are attended, or the fun one that you invite to yours. However, I'm the person who will bake, cook, help decorate, run errands - whatever you need, I will be there. Just don't ask me to greet all of those people.
I'm not the teacher that every student remembers with awe and respect. I just tried to impart the basics and share the joy of studying my sciences or my literature with you. I'm the after thought - oh, yeah, she was okay - or I couldn't stand being in her class. She loved dissection, experiments, Dickens, and made us take notes. Lots of notes.
Got a job that no one else wants to do? Ask Kat - she'll do it! (Stupid is stamped across my forehead). I did all that one school corporation asked of me - even helped start up an alternative middle school and went back to get my teaching license - and when it came time to offer that job to me? I didn't get it. I'm not the PC choice, you see.
I did all that one parish asked of me - and then, when I asked to be replaced? The name that the priest came up with was mine. However, did anyone really know me there? No, I was in the background while everyone else stood front and center.
I wanted to be a doctor - a translator - someone who made a difference in this world. The best that I ever did was to raise three beautiful, strong, young women. (and then, even my husband left).
And that's who I am. I live vicariously through others - and I really do feel joy in all of your accomplishments. I'm not just saying that. So, I'll continue to be that fan (or cheerleader) - I won't get in your way - and I'll expect you to do great things. I'm praying for you.
Mass
What if going to Mass was like going to KCON?
Wow, your Ultimate Bias is Jesus, too!
Hey, who's your bias wrecker? St. John has his moments where he is so adorable - after all, he is known as "the Beloved ". Oh, St. James is yours? - I really want to walk his Camino! But how can we forget St. Joseph? He's that guy in the background that everyone seems to overlook. If it wasn't for him, then what would have happened to our beloved Jesus and his Mother, Mary??
I also love to hear the stories of Joseph and his amazing technicolor dreamcoat, King David, when he was just that shepherd boy, and King Solomon - the wisest king ever! I know, that is so First Generation! But we wouldn't have this generation if it wasn't for them paving the Way!
Where did you find that awesome cross? Oh, it was on ebay? Yes, it's so difficult to find anything outside of Jerusalem. However, EWTN shows all kinds of programs - it's well worth checking out!
Hey, do you want to get together to send a support truck? There's this great place called St. Vincent de Paul.....
Wow, your Ultimate Bias is Jesus, too!
Hey, who's your bias wrecker? St. John has his moments where he is so adorable - after all, he is known as "the Beloved ". Oh, St. James is yours? - I really want to walk his Camino! But how can we forget St. Joseph? He's that guy in the background that everyone seems to overlook. If it wasn't for him, then what would have happened to our beloved Jesus and his Mother, Mary??
I also love to hear the stories of Joseph and his amazing technicolor dreamcoat, King David, when he was just that shepherd boy, and King Solomon - the wisest king ever! I know, that is so First Generation! But we wouldn't have this generation if it wasn't for them paving the Way!
Where did you find that awesome cross? Oh, it was on ebay? Yes, it's so difficult to find anything outside of Jerusalem. However, EWTN shows all kinds of programs - it's well worth checking out!
Hey, do you want to get together to send a support truck? There's this great place called St. Vincent de Paul.....
Saturday, July 1, 2017
KCON NY
Truly, my time at KCON NY was an experience that I will never be able to give its true justice in words. I went to see my favorite band, CNBLUE, and I met others who were extremely like-minded.
But I also enjoyed many of the other little things: attempting a dance workshop (out in the heat, I only lasted 30 minutes but I tried!), attending panels, trying on a hanbok, eating Korean foods (not as many as I would have liked!), talking to people while standing in line, even being able to pick and choose which cds to purchase (I usually have to find all of my Korean favorites on line!) but to see them at booths!
The other group that I truly wanted to see was Highlight (formerly Beast and now missing one member). They changed agencies and the entertainment company insisted on keeping their name. That doesn't make Doo Joon any less delightful than he is as a performer! It did, however, make people perceive them as a rookie group when in fact they debuted at the same time as CNBLUE in 2009. (Doo Joon and Yong Hwa are good friends). I was thrilled by their performance. My friend had no desire to attend the audience for them with me and I ended up meeting two lovely girls who I spent time with on the following day. "Is that JaeJoong on your phone?" How many people would know that he is most definitely on my phone? That's all it took while we discussed K-dramas and K-pop. We have the same "Ultimate Bias"!
Of the other performances, I must say that I enjoyed all of the groups at the concerts but I am truly only following KNK now. Their songs are more mellow and much more to my liking. However, due to the different venues, I have now become a fan of YouTuber JuNCurryAhn. Wow, he can play the violin beautifully and is also a talented singer and dancer. He is based out of L.A. and I've subscribed to his channel and even gotten his autograph (twice!). The other person that I will now be following is Kevin Woo, formerly of U-Kiss (a group that I have never followed). He proved himself to be an entertaining and adorable emcee and is hoping to launch a solo career (I will be cheering him on!). Also, the dance workshop that I attended was run by professional dancers called 1Million. You can also see some of their dances on YouTube but they run a professional studio back in Korea designed to teach K-pop dances to even the klutziest of people, like me! I don't normally watch Kcon.tv but I should do so more often: Matt was the interviewer who impressed me the most. He should have his own fan club.
Another wonderful thing that came out of this experience, I got to meet my longtime online friend in person. We had so much fun running around New York City - totally getting lost and looking absolutely like we've never been in a big city before (and she's from L.A.! - apparently no one does public transit in L.A. - you just drive your own car). We stayed up late - telling our life stories to one another - and enjoying the commonality of enjoying the same favorite band. It turns out that she really isn't a k-popper - she just has her one band that she follows. I think I did convince her to at least like Highlight, too!
So, here are some photos of some of my memories:
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Reflections
So, a book that I have contributed to has been released. I don't know that I will ever share that news with the world. Some things are just best left anonymous.
A thought that has just occurred to me - through reading posts of friends and Facebook acquaintances: What happened to that girl who dropped her boyfriend with a roundhouse kick just for becoming a bit too handsy in a school hallway? Would I have felt better if I had just punched my husband once for yelling at me for upsetting his "girlfriend" because I told her to back off from him?
Will I ever be "over" him?
I'm going to go "party" this next week. I am going to dance and sing, make friends, try new foods, speak Korean - hopefully to my favorite band! And come back home and enjoy my grandbabies!
And I am going to weep for those who are feeling unloved, abandoned, dealing with serious illnesses, and who are dying.
And I will thank God for all the wonderful people that he has surrounded me with. <3
A thought that has just occurred to me - through reading posts of friends and Facebook acquaintances: What happened to that girl who dropped her boyfriend with a roundhouse kick just for becoming a bit too handsy in a school hallway? Would I have felt better if I had just punched my husband once for yelling at me for upsetting his "girlfriend" because I told her to back off from him?
Will I ever be "over" him?
I'm going to go "party" this next week. I am going to dance and sing, make friends, try new foods, speak Korean - hopefully to my favorite band! And come back home and enjoy my grandbabies!
And I am going to weep for those who are feeling unloved, abandoned, dealing with serious illnesses, and who are dying.
And I will thank God for all the wonderful people that he has surrounded me with. <3
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Confession
Confession should be one of the easiest things for a practicing Catholic. Nope, it just isn't.
And, tonight, it was even more difficult because we didn't know the "rules of the game". That led to a full-blown panic attack while I should have been examining my conscience. I was ready to bolt but I didn't. Believe me, it was truly a struggle. Couldn't breathe, got light-headed, felt as though my limbs were locked. Is this one of the ways that I can easily be attacked?
Yes, I firmly believe in spiritual warfare and I have been in the midst of the war for many years now. There have definitely been casualties along the way.
And, tonight, it was even more difficult because we didn't know the "rules of the game". That led to a full-blown panic attack while I should have been examining my conscience. I was ready to bolt but I didn't. Believe me, it was truly a struggle. Couldn't breathe, got light-headed, felt as though my limbs were locked. Is this one of the ways that I can easily be attacked?
Yes, I firmly believe in spiritual warfare and I have been in the midst of the war for many years now. There have definitely been casualties along the way.
Turning 60
I have come to a realization that this is a big year in one's life.
There have been too many deaths (and life-threatening illnesses) occurring around me as of late for me to feel the least bit smug in thinking that I still have all the time in the world to accomplish the things that I had wanted to before my time on this earthly plane comes to an end. I'm not in a depression (don't worry about that) but I am becoming more aware that if there is something that I want to check off that bucket list, then I had better start doing it!
So, 60 years old - originally, this was the year that the girls and I had planned on going to Ireland. It isn't going to happen this year. Then we talked about going to Mackinac Island and staying in the Grand Hotel - that isn't going to come to fruition either. What other items/destinations are on that bucket list? El Camino (which is probably not the wisest choice for someone suffering from both asthma and arthritis) and Seoul, South Korea. Any other destinations would be choices due to a desire to see family and friends.
My big brother ran a half-marathon on his 60th birthday and his daughter ran with him. He's been running more ever since - choosing to travel back to the Bluegrass and even to Houston to run with our distant cousin and schoolmate. He has bought some show dogs and is returning to the show ring. And, he and his wife bought updated camping equipment so that they can go off together. Good choices for him.
Looking at my interests at this stage of my life: what does it truly mean to be Catholic? how can I be the best mom and Grammie? what do I enjoy studying? (genealogy, Korean language, biology, the Bible) what is my favorite music? what television shows do I enjoy? where will my travel desires take me next? should I work on improving my own music-playing skills?
I'm thinking that I need to step up my Korean studies - it really would be fun to be a translator (a dream once upon a time ago when Russian language was my major in college) and where can I be immersed in the Hallyu wave without going to Korea this year? KCON! (a weekend of concerts, fan meetings, Korean foods, makeup and beauty fashions, K-dramas, etc.). LA is the location of the original and it lasts for three full days while NY is going to host its third for a total of two days. I have never been to California. The deciding factor should be the line-up but I might have someone to share the experience with if I head out to LA. (Addendum: CNBLUE is going to be in NY! Cancelled the LA plans and am heading to NY -- along with my fellow Boice, Jannie from LA!)
We want to take an ancestral "tour" since it turns out Massachusetts is where my ancestors landed when they came to the New World. I will delve much deeper into my roots and (thanks to my oldest and her husband) I now know what heritage my DNA contains. More Irish than I thought I would be but ecstatic that I am - I always identified with the Irish more than the British - turns out it's because I truly am more Irish! 😄
Back to making my rosaries - maybe this is a "ministry" of prayer and intercession that I should be pursuing. Will work on those this weekend - want to get several made before Easter.
I've also decided to pamper myself a bit more. I got myself a "bling" ring in the fall and now I am starting to think that I might want to add to my jewelry collection. Also, I'm enjoying the Hallyu merchandise that I have obtained - ordered one last item before KCON (a one of a kind book being released out of Japan about my Ultimate Bias, Kim Jae Joong).
There have been too many deaths (and life-threatening illnesses) occurring around me as of late for me to feel the least bit smug in thinking that I still have all the time in the world to accomplish the things that I had wanted to before my time on this earthly plane comes to an end. I'm not in a depression (don't worry about that) but I am becoming more aware that if there is something that I want to check off that bucket list, then I had better start doing it!
So, 60 years old - originally, this was the year that the girls and I had planned on going to Ireland. It isn't going to happen this year. Then we talked about going to Mackinac Island and staying in the Grand Hotel - that isn't going to come to fruition either. What other items/destinations are on that bucket list? El Camino (which is probably not the wisest choice for someone suffering from both asthma and arthritis) and Seoul, South Korea. Any other destinations would be choices due to a desire to see family and friends.
My big brother ran a half-marathon on his 60th birthday and his daughter ran with him. He's been running more ever since - choosing to travel back to the Bluegrass and even to Houston to run with our distant cousin and schoolmate. He has bought some show dogs and is returning to the show ring. And, he and his wife bought updated camping equipment so that they can go off together. Good choices for him.
Looking at my interests at this stage of my life: what does it truly mean to be Catholic? how can I be the best mom and Grammie? what do I enjoy studying? (genealogy, Korean language, biology, the Bible) what is my favorite music? what television shows do I enjoy? where will my travel desires take me next? should I work on improving my own music-playing skills?
I'm thinking that I need to step up my Korean studies - it really would be fun to be a translator (a dream once upon a time ago when Russian language was my major in college) and where can I be immersed in the Hallyu wave without going to Korea this year? KCON! (a weekend of concerts, fan meetings, Korean foods, makeup and beauty fashions, K-dramas, etc.). LA is the location of the original and it lasts for three full days while NY is going to host its third for a total of two days. I have never been to California. The deciding factor should be the line-up but I might have someone to share the experience with if I head out to LA. (Addendum: CNBLUE is going to be in NY! Cancelled the LA plans and am heading to NY -- along with my fellow Boice, Jannie from LA!)
We want to take an ancestral "tour" since it turns out Massachusetts is where my ancestors landed when they came to the New World. I will delve much deeper into my roots and (thanks to my oldest and her husband) I now know what heritage my DNA contains. More Irish than I thought I would be but ecstatic that I am - I always identified with the Irish more than the British - turns out it's because I truly am more Irish! 😄
Back to making my rosaries - maybe this is a "ministry" of prayer and intercession that I should be pursuing. Will work on those this weekend - want to get several made before Easter.
I've also decided to pamper myself a bit more. I got myself a "bling" ring in the fall and now I am starting to think that I might want to add to my jewelry collection. Also, I'm enjoying the Hallyu merchandise that I have obtained - ordered one last item before KCON (a one of a kind book being released out of Japan about my Ultimate Bias, Kim Jae Joong).
Friday, March 31, 2017
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Legacy
When my father-in-law passed away, people lined up outside to pay respects on a workday morning. I had never before seen that many people at a viewing. So many made a point of seeking me out to share how he had impacted their lives. What i heard most often was that he never said a word against anyone and he was always ready to help. Wow!
It's not that I didn't already know these things. At my wedding, he danced with me and told me that it was okay that my dad didn't come because he was my dad now - something he fully lived up to for he always kept his word.
I would love to be remembered like that but I won't be. However, maybe, just maybe, people will say she loved God and her church, her babies and her grandbabies , her many "adopted" children, family, music, books, biology, learning, and her sports teams.
Never adept at music or sports, (fairly decent at folk dancing and learning), I am the biggest "fan" cheering on my babies and their babies. I delight in all of their accomplishments and activities.
Praying for many friends and family members, near and far - again, I am a silent supporter. I guess I don't really need to be remembered as long as the love continues on.
Grief
Grief? I have no answer for how to handle it. Pray, breathe in, breathe out, shove it down, cry it out, and, truly, try to make it just one day at a time.
So many people are being hit hard around me: my aunt lost her precious brother (not an uncle to me - but to my cousins); a dear friend just lost her husband to a long, serious illness; another friend from my parish home of 16 years was tragically killed in a car accident on Friday afternoon (the fault of another driver - who also died).
Last night, my Facebook friend and prayer warrior posted some wonderful news about her oldest son and tonight she posted that he was gone (suicide). He leaves behind a fiancee, two baby girls. And, of course, his family.
A young man (whom I care greatly about) is losing his mom (prayers for miraculous healing, please!). She was very good to my youngest. a "beautiful" person.
A friend of mine has been fighting the big "C" - she is such a trooper. We are rejoicing that two masses have disappeared but there is still more to be conquered. I can't handle vomiting for 2 days and she has been living with it for weeks (thanks to her meds).
My heart is broken - wounded and hurting - but I see joy now. Snuggling with a little one in a rocking chair, reading stories, singing songs - God provides comfort in many ways.
So many people are being hit hard around me: my aunt lost her precious brother (not an uncle to me - but to my cousins); a dear friend just lost her husband to a long, serious illness; another friend from my parish home of 16 years was tragically killed in a car accident on Friday afternoon (the fault of another driver - who also died).
Last night, my Facebook friend and prayer warrior posted some wonderful news about her oldest son and tonight she posted that he was gone (suicide). He leaves behind a fiancee, two baby girls. And, of course, his family.
A young man (whom I care greatly about) is losing his mom (prayers for miraculous healing, please!). She was very good to my youngest. a "beautiful" person.
A friend of mine has been fighting the big "C" - she is such a trooper. We are rejoicing that two masses have disappeared but there is still more to be conquered. I can't handle vomiting for 2 days and she has been living with it for weeks (thanks to her meds).
My heart is broken - wounded and hurting - but I see joy now. Snuggling with a little one in a rocking chair, reading stories, singing songs - God provides comfort in many ways.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Lent 2017
Not off to a good start. All too sick to actually attend Ash Wednesday services.
As a family, we have decided to fast from desserts and to save at least a dollar / day to be donated to a charitable cause.
On a personal level, I have signed up to study the Bible and the Sacraments through an online course. I have also decided to set aside daily time for studying Korean.
In addition, I will continue to create rosaries in my spare time - this is always a time to concentrate on spiritual growth and personal growth.
Preparing for the trials to come....
As a family, we have decided to fast from desserts and to save at least a dollar / day to be donated to a charitable cause.
On a personal level, I have signed up to study the Bible and the Sacraments through an online course. I have also decided to set aside daily time for studying Korean.
In addition, I will continue to create rosaries in my spare time - this is always a time to concentrate on spiritual growth and personal growth.
Preparing for the trials to come....
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Just clarifying
I am still married. My husband is not re-married (I am not dead). He has entered into a civil union but it is an adulterous relationship. And that's all I have to say.
Sunday, February 12, 2017
I call bulls**t
Just woke up from quite an emotional dream. Apparently, we still had belongings to gather from our house - he was decked out - new clothes, new shoes. Someone (faceless but with a voice ) commented on how painful this was and he immediately stated that he had suffered tremendously. I remained silent. The voice went on about how this process was going to go - we supposedly had written something that was to be read aloud at an upcoming proceeding. He started to say something about how his first ring that he treasured was me and that he had been in agony over losing it. I glared at him and he said something about how that was cruel to say. I finally responded with "you haven't suffered at all - you went directly from your wife to a girlfriend " He protested over how much agony he went through and I saw a little glimmer of a smile. That's when I launched myself at him - now I could feel someone restraining me and I yelled, "I call bulls**t!" He continued to list all the ways that he had suffered and I woke up to the sound of me yelling, " I never ever want to see you again in my entire life!" My heart is still pounding and I am afraid to go back to sleep because I don't want to be trapped back in that dream, in that confrontation, since my brain replays scenes over and over again like the movie Groundhog Day until I supposedly reach some conclusion. I still call bulls**t.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
New Year, Resolutions, and New President
Welcome, 2017!
I may not be where I had envisioned myself being at this time of my life, but I am feeling extremely blessed! This has been a very long journey. For those of you who experience clinical depression, you will understand that this has been a difficult climb out of the depths.
Beginning of a new year: time to take stock! Look over the past year's accomplishments, setbacks, and journeys. And, this has been both a physical and emotional journey for a very long time.
My son-in-law and oldest daughter have created a safe haven in their home for me. (It has been a very long time since I have truly had a "safe space" dating back to when my world toppled). I get up in the morning without experiencing anxiety/panic regarding the day to come, my depression valleys aren't as deep or as long, and I can feel that I am gaining strength once again. I am surrounded by love: hugs and kisses abound from the littles. I have been blessed by having been able to spend time with all of my girls and their families throughout this year and look forward to many more adventures to come!
I am still working on learning how to read and write in Korean. My vocabulary level is that of a toddler - without having the grammar skills. How can I address that this next year? I have discovered that there is a Korean Catholic church not too far from here that has services in Korean on Thursday evenings. Once I feel a bit more comfortable about journeying forth in the evenings, I will seek it out. In the meantime, I will continue to work on my own with my books and my CDs - including continuing to enjoy all of "my" K-dramas and K-pop. I am truly hoping to journey to K-Con this summer!
I have been given the opportunity to either remain as an oblate novice attached to St. Meinrad's or to reach out to a nearby abbey. Soon, I will reach out to Portsmouth Abbey to discover what their program would entail. It should either be there or Glastonbury but the family has ties to Portsmouth so that makes the most sense to me. In addition, I am assisting my eldest by volunteering as the 6th grade religious ed. teacher this school year - this is a learning experience for myself as well - delving into topics which is allowing me to explore theology and apologetics even deeper.
And, I have joined the local DAR. Onwards to spending more time this year becoming involved with that organization and learning much more about my genealogy! I was gifted with the AncestryDNA kit so I am looking forward to discovering those results. I am also looking forward to planning journeys to ancestral areas and cemeteries that are located all over this state.
So, what are my feelings about the inauguration of this new President? I didn't vote for him, I certainly would never have wanted the Democratic candidate in office, and I actually supported a third party candidate for the first time in my life. People are organizing demonstrations to rebel against his inauguration but I just keep thinking back on how I have cried over this outgoing President's policies and actions for the past 8 years (spent a lot of extra time in the confessional and on my knees in prayer because of him) and I actually am looking forward to a "new" regime. The left has gone so far to the left that I am honestly wondering if the end of the world will be coming soon. Or, will we have years of violence and unrest, as we are seeing all around the globe?
I am hopeful that better days are coming, that I will accomplish all of my goals, and that I will have many, many more delightful years to come with my girls and their families. Welcome, 2017!
I may not be where I had envisioned myself being at this time of my life, but I am feeling extremely blessed! This has been a very long journey. For those of you who experience clinical depression, you will understand that this has been a difficult climb out of the depths.
Beginning of a new year: time to take stock! Look over the past year's accomplishments, setbacks, and journeys. And, this has been both a physical and emotional journey for a very long time.
My son-in-law and oldest daughter have created a safe haven in their home for me. (It has been a very long time since I have truly had a "safe space" dating back to when my world toppled). I get up in the morning without experiencing anxiety/panic regarding the day to come, my depression valleys aren't as deep or as long, and I can feel that I am gaining strength once again. I am surrounded by love: hugs and kisses abound from the littles. I have been blessed by having been able to spend time with all of my girls and their families throughout this year and look forward to many more adventures to come!
I am still working on learning how to read and write in Korean. My vocabulary level is that of a toddler - without having the grammar skills. How can I address that this next year? I have discovered that there is a Korean Catholic church not too far from here that has services in Korean on Thursday evenings. Once I feel a bit more comfortable about journeying forth in the evenings, I will seek it out. In the meantime, I will continue to work on my own with my books and my CDs - including continuing to enjoy all of "my" K-dramas and K-pop. I am truly hoping to journey to K-Con this summer!
I have been given the opportunity to either remain as an oblate novice attached to St. Meinrad's or to reach out to a nearby abbey. Soon, I will reach out to Portsmouth Abbey to discover what their program would entail. It should either be there or Glastonbury but the family has ties to Portsmouth so that makes the most sense to me. In addition, I am assisting my eldest by volunteering as the 6th grade religious ed. teacher this school year - this is a learning experience for myself as well - delving into topics which is allowing me to explore theology and apologetics even deeper.
And, I have joined the local DAR. Onwards to spending more time this year becoming involved with that organization and learning much more about my genealogy! I was gifted with the AncestryDNA kit so I am looking forward to discovering those results. I am also looking forward to planning journeys to ancestral areas and cemeteries that are located all over this state.
So, what are my feelings about the inauguration of this new President? I didn't vote for him, I certainly would never have wanted the Democratic candidate in office, and I actually supported a third party candidate for the first time in my life. People are organizing demonstrations to rebel against his inauguration but I just keep thinking back on how I have cried over this outgoing President's policies and actions for the past 8 years (spent a lot of extra time in the confessional and on my knees in prayer because of him) and I actually am looking forward to a "new" regime. The left has gone so far to the left that I am honestly wondering if the end of the world will be coming soon. Or, will we have years of violence and unrest, as we are seeing all around the globe?
I am hopeful that better days are coming, that I will accomplish all of my goals, and that I will have many, many more delightful years to come with my girls and their families. Welcome, 2017!
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Confession
Totally good for the soul. I love how the Prudential Center makes it so easy to get to confession. Tucked around the corner from Dunkin' Donuts, you find this:
Today we had a totally delightful time: Science Museum, lunch out, and a visit to the Pru specifically for this. Adoration and Confession, what a great way to spend a Saturday during a snow storm.
Results: I came home and slept. Hours and hours of good dreams! Do you see that?? I had good dreams! Got to spend time with all of my girls and my grandbabies, good friends, and even my Dad came to visit (he had trimmed down because he had been dancing!). All that in one dream <3
Friday, January 6, 2017
Welcome to my nightmare...
I usually don't repeat my nightmares because I do re-dream them and I don't want to keep reminding myself of the content. However, this is one that I just can't even remotely shake:
I find myself driving out in the boonies to find a hotel where I am supposed to meet up with my husband. He apparently has an important job interview on the following day and has asked me to attend for appearances' sake. I am accompanied by our dog (I kept trying to figure out whether or not it was Jack or just a made-up dog and I couldn't tell ) and I arrived sometime after dark.
Once I pulled up, I was greeted by my husband and then a strange woman comes out of his room. I am told that he is going to leave me and live with her. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario. Next thing I know - her husband is there. He is now best buddies with my husband and is seemingly fine with this turn of events. I ask him if he truly is fine with this and he tells me yes. I am not fine. Everyone acts shocked. I am still asked to remain for the interview on the following day. Me, I throw a major tantrum, and head out the door.
I pack up myself and the dog and get into the car to leave. I tell them that I am going home - there is no reason to stay - and that the dog is going with me. He then begs for me to leave the dog - not me, just the dog.
I take off and get lost going home - there is no one to call. (I thought about trying to call my girls but I realize there is nothing to say other than I am headed home). I remember thinking why didn't I bring my Garmin because my phone is not finding the way. So there I am driving backroads in the dark and not knowing how to get home. Without my Garmin.
Seems awfully short doesn't it - well, it sure seemed like an eternity throughout the night - I woke up several times and went right back into the same nightmare.
Arguments. Feeling abandoned. Shocked that everyone else seems to think that nothing is wrong with this scenario. Amazed that he even wants the dog. Every nightmare seems to have a very similar theme. Totally why I fight sleep until I absolutely have to have it.
I find myself driving out in the boonies to find a hotel where I am supposed to meet up with my husband. He apparently has an important job interview on the following day and has asked me to attend for appearances' sake. I am accompanied by our dog (I kept trying to figure out whether or not it was Jack or just a made-up dog and I couldn't tell ) and I arrived sometime after dark.
Once I pulled up, I was greeted by my husband and then a strange woman comes out of his room. I am told that he is going to leave me and live with her. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with this scenario. Next thing I know - her husband is there. He is now best buddies with my husband and is seemingly fine with this turn of events. I ask him if he truly is fine with this and he tells me yes. I am not fine. Everyone acts shocked. I am still asked to remain for the interview on the following day. Me, I throw a major tantrum, and head out the door.
I pack up myself and the dog and get into the car to leave. I tell them that I am going home - there is no reason to stay - and that the dog is going with me. He then begs for me to leave the dog - not me, just the dog.
I take off and get lost going home - there is no one to call. (I thought about trying to call my girls but I realize there is nothing to say other than I am headed home). I remember thinking why didn't I bring my Garmin because my phone is not finding the way. So there I am driving backroads in the dark and not knowing how to get home. Without my Garmin.
Seems awfully short doesn't it - well, it sure seemed like an eternity throughout the night - I woke up several times and went right back into the same nightmare.
Arguments. Feeling abandoned. Shocked that everyone else seems to think that nothing is wrong with this scenario. Amazed that he even wants the dog. Every nightmare seems to have a very similar theme. Totally why I fight sleep until I absolutely have to have it.
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