For the first time in forever....

For the first time in forever, I've gone at least a week without having a nightmare. My dreams have been filled with family and my favorite actors and singers. Quite the hodgepodge, but I'll take it!

I even had a dream within a dream this past week where I happened to be analyzing the dream that had occurred in my dream. How strange! But I remember thinking that my analysis was really "spot on".

Truly, this is one of the benefits of living here with my kids and three of my grandbabies. I have always been a personality that needs a home filled with kiddos. I hope this means that the grandchildren are keeping me young but I know that all of the warm snuggles, hugs, and kisses are keeping me "alive" and healthier than I have been in a long, long time. The migraines still crop up from time to time but they are manageable - not debilitating. And, I've only had one panic attack since I have been here.

I'm not taking the heart meds - the tachycardia seemed to cease after managing my asthma. It took three states and a bunch of doctors over the years to finally (FINALLY) diagnose the asthma. It was much easier to diagnose my migraines (I've had those since I was 10).

I do still take my aspirin. I am mindful of the fact that my grandfather just dropped dead on vacation when he was in his 50s. I also still have times where the depression hits suddenly but I don't feel as though I need the "anti-crying" meds anymore. (I am beyond the point of being suicidal, don't worry).

Learning to spend time each day on my prayer and my studies. Enjoying working on making rosaries once again - I just have to live with my fingers hurting all the time now. As long as they can still function properly, I really have no complaints.

Getting back to my reading daily also. Just completed Our Lady of Kibeho which has inspired me to make a Seven Sorrows chaplet rosary. (the medals are on order). I should return to Cardinal Sarah's The Power of Silence  for the online book club - but, again, I'm finding it tedious.

I hesitate to become involved in some things at the moment because I know that I will be leaving soon for an extended stay with my other grandbabies - assisting their mommy and daddy during the birth of their baby sister. However, once I return, I will assess some of the things around me - for example, our parish works with St. Vincent de Paul (something I've always felt drawn to but was never around). I should get back into the habit of spending at least an hour a week with Jesus in adoration.

I have a wonderful, online support from some "powerful" Catholic friends - that does help give me strength. And, they are great prayer partners!

I'm filling up my empty address book (that I have kept for years!) so that I can begin true correspondence once again. There was a time when I made sure to write everyone in my address book at least once a month. So many of the older family members are now gone but I treasured their responses to my mail. I see society moving away from the "social graces" and I want to at least model some of the "polite, thoughtful" things to do for my grandchildren. I remember one of my grandmothers teaching me how to make strawberry tarts, another grandmother teaching me the love of family history, my grandfather's cousin who continued my love of genealogy, and a step-grandmother who loved her Bible. Oh, and then there was my great-aunt who always played music with me!

I saw a book on a shelf as I visited last weekend - something about the lost art of conversation. That is so very true! Thankfully, we don't eat meals with phones at the table - nor do we answer calls during dinner time. However, society is demanding that we be plugged in at all times.

I am starting a little prayer journal of all the prayer requests that come in daily - and I've added many prayer cards to my collection. I want to continue learning about the saints. Consider that another of my subjects to study.

I hope that I continue to take after my one grandmother who was sharp as a tack until the very end (and who lived through an entire century). I don't dance out in the backyard at midnight anymore (I don't have my Jack with me) but I should continue to dance - I tried the K-pop workshop at KCON and I discovered that I just don't have the stamina - but, as I have done my entire life, when I find myself alone in the house I continue to crank up the music and "rock out" as I go about my tasks.

And, travel - I now see the importance of travel. (I wanted to spend my retirement time traveling with my husband - we should have done it sooner). Two definite destinations in my mind and my heart: Ireland and South Korea. Once upon a time, Leningrad/St. Petersburg would have been included in that list but I've lost that desire. Maybe, after Putin.....

Biology. That study never ceases. That's the legacy of my father that I would like to remember him for - not for the pain that he caused his families through his actions - but the man who took me to the ag barns, taught me the breeds of cattle, showed me the chicks and ducklings hatching, allowed me to observe surgeries (even one on a black labrador - of course, he had to show me that it had recovered!), the birth of a baby (Christopher Michael Cox, wherever he is!), and imparted his love of medicine and how things worked in the human body to me.

My mother took care of my spiritual life. Through all my trials and tribulations, I have never once lost my faith in God. That has to be because of her. And my stepmother was the parent who made me feel safe - I can't deny that. (Of course, if my father had remained faithful, then I would never have been "un-protected").

And, something my mother taught me a long, long time ago: friends can definitely be extended family. They are, at times, the family that we choose with our hearts. I need to remember to make time to visit with some of my very best friends throughout the years.

So, for the first time in forever, I am not debilitated by my sorrows.