Kid Lessons - Pay Attention to the Details

Pay Attention to the Details

This is more of a learning lesson for me as a mom. When you have three children, whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, your time is no longer your own. It is devoted to making sure that your household runs smoothly, that your husband has what he needs to do his job properly, that your children have what they need to either go to school or be at home with you, and you put yourself last. You don't really think about that - that's fodder for an entirely different blog post - but you also forget to slow down and pay attention to the little details regarding each child.

Everyone jokes about how the middle child is over-looked. Honestly, you try not to do it. It could be for so many different reasons. There was a period in life (very early on) when she was my "difficult" child. You know that joke that every midwestern state has about the weather forecast? Wait fifteen minutes and it will change? Well, your children are like that. You never know which one - on any given day - is going to be the easiest one to get along with or the most difficult to handle. Wait fifteen minutes - it will change. Breathe.

Eventually, my middle daughter settled into the role of peacemaker between her two sisters. The oldest had a very strong individualistic presence - easily settling into that role of firstborn - and her father and I always said that it would take a unique personality to hold her own following her. Fortunately, her sister has held her own just fine. And the youngest - well, I think of that old dinosaur show where the baby dinosaur says, "I'm the baby - gotta love me!". She is truly unique and precious in her own way but she has a double-wide stubborn streak (got that one from both parents!). So, yes, the middle child who happens to be a peacemaker can be overlooked.

So much so that you don't start putting two plus two together properly. We were living in a small-town in Illinois, twenty minutes from the Wisconsin border, in an absolutely "dream" neighborhood. All the kids played in each other's yards and the moms and dads watched out for each other's children.

One night, we had a telescope out and were star-gazing. I don't remember what their Daddy was trying to show the girls but I do remember that no matter what we pointed out, my middle just couldn't see it. We thought she wasn't looking hard enough. Exasperated, we gave up on trying to point things out to her in the night sky.

Again, on a trip back from the closest large city, we passed field after field of cows. Suddenly, the oldest pointed out deer on the side of the road! (Being midwesterners, we had already experienced what deer by the side of the road can really mean so I wasn't thrilled, but the girls were). However, again, our middle child was left asking where? By then, she had missed seeing the deer. She was upset and she was met with comments like you just have to pay more attention.

I know, you as a reader are already yelling at me, asking me about the obvious. Well, it wasn't obvious. She was having no problems in school. Nothing that stood out when we watched things at home. However, one day, we were traveling that stretch from the city again. The girls were playing a game and naming things that they saw. Their daddy was driving so I had the luxury of being able to play along. Suddenly it clicked. My sweet middle child didn't SEE the brown jersey cow in one field nor the black angus cattle in another!

So I scheduled her for an eye exam. Yes, she needed glasses. Yes, she was near-sighted. Not a big deal. Oh my! It was a big deal! The day we came home with her wearing her new glasses, she went out to play in the backyard, looked up at the tree and exclaimed with delight! She, in her entire life, had never seen the detail of individual leaves up in a tree! She had only seen it as a "whole" that dropped individual bits. Wow, that day, we went for a walk - looking at the world with her "new" eyes. (Yes, I also cried later that I had deprived her of that beauty for so long). I will never forget how she "saw" that tree for the very first time, after living there for months, and through several seasons. It taught me to step back, look at my daughters more closely, and to show them the "details" in life. Be observant. You might miss something REALLY important or REALLY beautiful, like being able to see not just the leaves in the tree, but the caterpillars that are crawling on those leaves.

Kid Lessons 2

Rough day....rough week

Okay, okay. I've had some good moments this week. But I'm feeling miserable today. Not just emotionally - but physically. And you know how it is, if you don't feel well, then your emotional health starts going downhill also.

Really, I'd love to crawl back into bed today. "Do over"! I want a "do over"! Let me wake up from my dream and start this day over - without feeling this miserable. I started off on such a good note before bedtime also. Well, kind of....I was starting to feel badly then but I received a distress message on Facebook from an old college acquaintance. Her mother is in hospice and is in the end stages of her life - the nurse had awakened her to tell her to stay up and be with her mother while she passed. So, she reached out to me via message. Why me, you ask? Because I'm Catholic and I pray. Simply that. It's funny - she doesn't remember me from college days but I remember her (I've always been that way - easy to forget). She friended me one day because we have a "mutual" friend and she noticed that we are both Catholic, tend to think alike, went to the same college, and she liked one of my prayers.

Anyway, I immediately went to our Blessed Sacrament Chapel that is open 24/7, lit a candle, and prayed the rosary for her mom. The result: her mother is breathing much better. She slept easily through the night. Me, I was praying that Our Mother Mary would wrap her loving arms around her and lead her to her son Jesus. Instead, my friend's sister climbed up in bed with their mom, wrapped her arms around her, and fell asleep, while my friend watched over them throughout the night and the nurse was amazed at how their mom's heartbeat and breathing grew stronger. I got home well after midnight and then couldn't sleep.

Woke up to my illness - and a distress call from a couple of former students. I won't go into all of that. I'm still not feeling well. Afraid to move. I feel worse when I move but, suffice it to say, that took up my morning, and I got up at a decent time, honestly.

I have work to do. Work. Again, afraid to move. I can do it online but I really don't feel that well. Calling for that "do over", please! It's difficult to think - and that's what I need to be able to do.

Here's our chapel. If you ever need that special prayer, then I can get there in less than five minutes. I don't mind spending my time with Jesus. Truly, I'm honored to be asked.

My Daughters - C, S & J

Speaking to that last post regarding Depression, I must admit that I had moments where I could not deal with what was happening in my life. After my husband jumped ship, so to speak, as being my support and best friend - where could I turn? Well, Leila, helped bring me back from the depths of that dark night when I didn't follow through with my plan to end my life (and believe me, I still message her frequently!). But I needed someone who was around physically. (and I am speaking about someone besides my counselor - I highly recommend going to a counselor for someone like me!).

Something happened at school one day - actually, I made it in to school and then my close friend, M, took me to the front office and told them to find a substitute for me. At that time, the principal was still on my side and he agreed. I couldn't return home that day so it must have had to do with discovering something about my husband's overseas girlfriend/s. M suggested that I go to my middle daughter at IU. My two younger daughters were there but I only contacted S and I distinctly remember going to see her at the apartment that she shared with her girlfriend and she cuddled with me on her bed as I sobbed my heart out.

There have been many times now that I have relied on the strength of my daughters. I am so grateful that they have grown up to be such strong, faith-filled young women. I feel guilty when I turn to them - shouldn't I be the support for them? However, as much as I love my sisters, my daughters understand me more. Somehow, it seems as though I have lost my world at times because my husband truly was my best friend through all these years. I don't expect my daughters to become my best friends - just as I don't plan on being my mother's best friend and confidant - but I am forever grateful to them for the relationship that they have with one another and with me and that I can now go to them for advice.  Their husbands have even stepped into the "son" role without a sideways glance, it seems. They meet me with open arms (and that beer even - when needed!).

O Captain, My Captain

O Captain, My Captain

I suppose that after such a wonderful weekend with family celebrating my grandson's first birthday, it is only natural that this week is focused on the loss of Robin Williams due to his suicide.

Many people are speaking towards his depression, his battle with alcoholism and drugs, and the "selfishness" of it all. * Spoiler Alert* A Robin Williams movie that my family has "loved" is What Dreams May Come. Speaking towards the love, where Christy (Robin) actually goes into Hell to bring back his wife (a suicide). What love between man and wife is displayed in this movie - I thought I had that. Instead, when I was suicidal, my husband left me in those depths (and I later accused him of wanting me to go through with it to make his life easier - he had no response - because, of course, it would have paved a clear path for him). Instead, I was saved by God's grace and a friend in Arizona - whom I have yet to meet in person - but I dearly love. She reached out and "took my hand" - truly giving me that Life-line - when I needed it most. When you are in the depths of depression, there is no "selfishness" in your thoughts. You have become so small that you feel that no one will truly miss you - in fact, they will be better off without you. That's when you need people to tell you how important you are to them.

I continue to fight my demons of clinical depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and panic attacks/severe anxiety disorder. However, I have made a promise to my children: I will not leave them. God reached through to me in my depths and He brought me Leila. Thank you, my dear friend.

Robin, I am so sorry that you did not hear God's voice - or have that friend. I will miss you - you took a part of my heart from the moment you entered my world as Mork during my college years.

Things are looking up?

For me, this picture says it all and the most gorgeous man in the world, in my humble opinion, is wearing the shirt (2 birds with one stone). :)

Anyway, so, my help comes from four very special people in my life. Thanks to them, I will be able to take care of my tax debt and travel safely next week. Also, the garage repairs will begin on Monday - meaning the house can go on the market in August!

In addition, I will be employed once again officially in August. My preparations for classes begin this weekend with an official meeting with my department head next week also.

The new month brings about new beginnings. new schedules. new focus. Plenty for me to look forward to - preparations, celebrations, family, joy. Breaking away from the cycle of clinical depression with the gifts of family and friends whom God has given to me. Thank you, Lord.

Sidenote: the realization in the wee hours of this morning - before I went to bed - that I am beginning to think in short phrases - simple words - in Korean. Breakthrough.