O Captain, My Captain

O Captain, My Captain

I suppose that after such a wonderful weekend with family celebrating my grandson's first birthday, it is only natural that this week is focused on the loss of Robin Williams due to his suicide.

Many people are speaking towards his depression, his battle with alcoholism and drugs, and the "selfishness" of it all. * Spoiler Alert* A Robin Williams movie that my family has "loved" is What Dreams May Come. Speaking towards the love, where Christy (Robin) actually goes into Hell to bring back his wife (a suicide). What love between man and wife is displayed in this movie - I thought I had that. Instead, when I was suicidal, my husband left me in those depths (and I later accused him of wanting me to go through with it to make his life easier - he had no response - because, of course, it would have paved a clear path for him). Instead, I was saved by God's grace and a friend in Arizona - whom I have yet to meet in person - but I dearly love. She reached out and "took my hand" - truly giving me that Life-line - when I needed it most. When you are in the depths of depression, there is no "selfishness" in your thoughts. You have become so small that you feel that no one will truly miss you - in fact, they will be better off without you. That's when you need people to tell you how important you are to them.

I continue to fight my demons of clinical depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and panic attacks/severe anxiety disorder. However, I have made a promise to my children: I will not leave them. God reached through to me in my depths and He brought me Leila. Thank you, my dear friend.

Robin, I am so sorry that you did not hear God's voice - or have that friend. I will miss you - you took a part of my heart from the moment you entered my world as Mork during my college years.