My mother is here. Everything comes to a screeching halt. Seriously, she is fussing at me for having some items on the sideboard - she wants to put them "away" - and the guest room is strewn with her clutter (makes me cringe inside every time I see it!).
I cannot do projects while she is here. It is a constant - "well, can't you call someone else to come in and do that?" No, I can't. I don't have that kind of money. It's my project - I'll do it once you are gone!
Why can't I enjoy this visit? Why do I feel so "invaded"?? I truly don't know - unless it's the constant questions, "Where did you get that?" "I'm curious as to why you have that there?" "What is that on your calendar? What does it mean?" etc., etc., etc. I won't go into every little detail - even picking up my mail and looking on the outside to see who it's from and then asking me who they are?
She wants me to go out and socialize (with whom?). And, of course, to get rid of my "Korean fantasy world". I haven't been able to dance once since she has been here. Yes, I listen to my music all the time - it helps me breathe.
Finally, the sun is shining and the weather is getting just a little warmer. But I can't sand floors or paint while she is here. I even need to run the carpet cleaner but that's the room she spread all of her papers out on the table on ever since the first night here. Yes, that clutter bothers me in the dining room.
She wants me to totally clean off the sunporch but she also brought boxes and coolers full of food - put them out there and drew in the ants. Been fighting them now for a few days. What did she do to get rid of them? Poured water all over my floor!!!!!!!! I went out there and almost yelled at Jack - thought he had "gone" in the house. When I started mopping it up, then she insisted that she had cleaned it all up and that it was dry. Far from it! I asked her not to go pouring water on my floors - so I sprayed in there. She then moved all those things to the kitchen table - next thing you know - my kitchen is crawling with ants.
Like I said, I cannot "do" any of my projects while she is here. If I disappear for awhile in the house, then she starts screaming for me (and she can't hear my response) so she just screams louder. Again, how can I close myself off and attend to projects when I can't close myself off in the study to work?
I have been totally lectured on how I should be on supplements all week long - and can she start mailing me the things that she takes???
Yes, I am retreating into my "Korean fantasy world" - I can't cope. I am raging inside. The things that she wants to focus on for preparing my house for showings....I am SO stressed.
Why does my mother do this to me? If I hear one more time about how she needs to go pick up the sticks in my yard....And then what? That means I would have to load up my van and haul them all to the dump. I personally don't want to deal with that at the moment. It creates more work for me. No, I can't pay someone to come pick it up and haul it away. (her current response to everything - can she pay someone to sand my floors, to paint the bathroom, to clean my house??). NO! Just let me deal with it after you are gone....
Time to go prepare for class. Another one of my escapes.
I pray that I don't do this to my children. Truly.
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