Vertigo (and realities)

There was a time when I would never, ever miss church. Part of that was because I didn't always have to drive. Now, I have missed several Sundays - here and there - due to illnesses, floods, etc. I try to watch Mass on EWTN when that happens because I don't want to miss my time with Jesus. Of course, I always feel as though I can talk to Jesus - but it is more comforting to actually be in his presence.

Vertigo has hit me off and on this week. Not as badly as it did several years ago when I couldn't drive anywhere and missed several days of work but it is a bit scary when you get that spinning feeling when sitting in traffic. I truly don't want to cause an accident because I lost it momentarily. I did experience one day at school where I was extremely nauseated and actually had to sit on a stool in order to make in through the lectures of the day. Since then, it has come and gone at odd times - nothing predictable. I fell off of my desk chair one morning - fortunately while it was my prep time and not during class. Random, I know - totally lost my balance and knew I was going to fall. Couldn't stop it though. If I was to get up right now from my recliner, then I would fall over. I can totally feel the imbalance and the tinnitus has started up again.

I can't afford to take another day off this next week because I have to go in to see a specialist the following week. In weighing pros and cons, since the vertigo is a symptom of migraines, I really should consider living somewhere i would have access to public transportation - or where I could walk to many places. Two pluses to living in town in C'ville: could get to a store for milk if needed and originally the car repair shop was downtown so I could drop it off if I had problems and walk home. I also liked being able to walk to the library or to one of my favorite restaurants. And, I did walk to church a couple of times (even though it was a trek).

So, I guess I should be considering my mobility. Received an email from the school's secretary this week (blanket email to all teachers) mentioning the due date for a letter of intent. I must say that I'm not sure what that is all about. Is it a statement as to whether or not you plan on returning to work in the same position the following school year? Back when I worked at a private Catholic school, we actually had to write a letter basically pleading our case to ask for a job for the next year (I really objected to the tone of that but I did comply).  Now, if I need to write a letter by the end of February committing to a position for next year then I am completely torn. I have no desire to continue working in these exact same conditions: yes, I am doing just fine teaching physical science and chemistry but I extremely dislike teaching in these subject areas because they aren't my "passion". My BS degree is in Biology (love, love, love teaching Bio - particularly cell ultrastructure and anatomy/physiology and zoology) - plus I am licensed to teach English (Language Arts) - (again, love, love, love teaching great literature and creative writing). I enjoy algebra but it isn't a passion - much better than what I am doing right now though. I have no desire to "commit" to a school that still hasn't shown me two things: 1) that I will be allowed to teach in my subject areas only and 2) that I will have "back up" from the admin when necessary.  Plus, it is a 30 minute drive - that's not bad - it's just that when I am feeling like this then I can't even drive 5 minutes away. (not safely).

Here I am - I've moved to an area where the weather is much better but did I really consider all of my needs? The big city near my children is looking and sounding more and more appealing. As I have always said (and one of my daughters pointed out to me), people are always more important. (Sorry about the "double" always in the same sentence).

God, please help me sell my house and make the "right" decision.....