Anniversaries

This has been a rough couple of weeks. Fourteen days ago, I weighed in at 131 lbs. - for the past two days, I have weighed in at 123 lbs. stressed? Oh no, not at all. I have been trying my absolute best to ignore the meaning of days within this time span and, of course, the nightmares have returned to haunt me. Today, is another anniversary: Mom and Dad's. Yesterday, was the anniversary of Dad's death (also my nephew's birthday) - last week was my Dad's death anniversary (on the same day as my SIL's birthday). I tried to just focus on celebrating her day. I don't even want to think about the other dates.
On top of that, there is no more joy in teaching. The students here need daily correction as to how to behave like young ladies and gentleman with little to no desire to learn. It is too draining. I feel as though I am a glorified "warden" and I have such a difficult time studying ahead of time and learning the material myself that I have no clue how to make it "fun" - especially when I can't trust any of them in the lab when they can't follow basic rules of decency, attentiveness, and safety.
Am I becoming so cynical? or are they just breaking me? Five years and I will be fully vested in state retirement - not so sure that I can last that long. The one thing that I do have control over: the state has issued an additional Restricted Science endorsement on my Biology and English teaching license - but I am supposed to take 6-8 credit hours of Physics within the next couple of years to maintain it. I am not going to spend my money on taking a class that I have no interest in learning any more about - rather that kind of money will go towards getting certified in TEFL, learning Korean, or into the travel fund....
Once again, I arise, I relax with my coffee, and then as the day progresses, I start having to calm myself down as the weekend comes to a close and the anxiety strikes. Looking towards Thanksgiving break followed by Christmas. Going to mass soon for even more reinforcement. (Even that is anxiety ridden as you have to arrive really early every Sunday to find a space in the parking lot and then find a place in a pew....)