My "Korean" obsession - explaining myself - somewhat

Hyun Bin

Park Shi Hoo

Lee Min Ho

These are my top three favorite Korean actors - in no particular order. I don't care what they are in - Korean drama or movie, I will watch it and I will enjoy it. Not only that, I will go back and re-watch scenes just so I can see them again and again. Why? Because they bring happiness to my world. In a world that no longer harbors romance or passion, I do have to go to my books or my shows. When my husband walked out of my world, every dream was haunted by him. I fought going to sleep because he would meet me there in my dreams and I would wake up sadder and more distraught than I had been before because they were so very real.  I was experiencing 4-5 migraines per week. My neurologist was trying his best to get me to rest and I told him that I had no desire to ever sleep again. "To sleep, perchance to dream". It reminded me of that old MASH episode where everyone chose to grab another cup of coffee so they wouldn't have to dream their dreams.

Then, I discovered Korean dramas. I've always loved Asian men. My college roommate can tell you that I used to rave to her about how they were the most beautiful men in the world. In fact, the first person who ever proposed to me was half Korean/half Japanese and I dated him during my college days. Why didn't I accept his proposal? Because he asked me to be his first wife. Yes, I took offense at that. I honestly don't know if he ever married. I can't find out any information about him but that wouldn't change anything anyway.  Back to my story.

What happened when I discovered Asian dramas? I stopped dreaming about my husband. I transported to another world. The music didn't remind me of him. The language didn't either. It awakened in me a desire to learn again. A desire to learn a new language, find out about another culture, a desire to try new foods, and to pass that knowledge on to my grandchildren (who share that heritage).  The nightmares stopped. The migraines stopped. I could sleep through the night while listening to "K-Pop". I still can't listen to the old songs - they make me cry. Maybe someday I will be able to do that again. For now, this is my way to mend. It's the only way that I can cope. Turn towards my faith and fill my world with new knowledge. Look towards the future and fill my dreams with stories that I don't link with my husband at all. I think of him as being a "prodigal" husband. 

Do I ever expect him to return "home" again? Not to me. But I hope he doesn't continue to turn his back on Christ. I pray for that. However, every time I see posts on face book regarding the wonderful husbands, the celebration of anniversaries, etc., I get extremely cynical and sad. That was me. I was perfectly happy and I thought that I would be married forever to the man of my dreams. Now, I'm replacing him with these gorgeous men and their adventures. 

Thank you God for helping me out. I'm climbing out of my depression and getting better every day. So, if you happen to see a post on my facebook regarding a K-Pop song, or photos of my favorite actors or singers, it's just me, fighting back. I've had a rough day and I'm putting some joy back into my life because I can't plaster photos of my grandbabies all over facebook. Kamsahamnida.